Every morning, the first thing I’d do before getting ready was to step on the scale. The number I saw on the scale each morning would dictate my meals for the day. I woke up every day feeling frustrated and defeated, but I prevented myself from revealing any of these problems at school. I intentionally overloaded myself at school with classes, tutoring sessions and extracurriculars so that people would view me as being ‘perfect.’ The underclassmen would come up to me to seek advice because, in their words, they thought I “had it all.” I wish I could have told them about my constant struggle and problems – the fact that I felt all this pressure on my shoulders, or that talking to them was making me feel light-headed – but I’d always respond by encouraging them to persist in their goals.
Being at school was always great because the surrounding reinforced the fact that I was ‘thriving’ in life. But by the time I got back home, I felt drained and exhausted. Because I was more comfortable with being myself at home, I wasn’t concerned about upholding the same identity of being a perfect figure. I shunned my family members from my life because I didn’t want to project any of my anger onto them. Because I realized that any slight inconvenience would trigger my frustration, I decided that it just better to stay in my room once I got home. As time progressed and I appeared to be thinner every week, my family members became very concerned for my health. They worked collectively to encourage me to eat more and rekindle interaction with the family.
Coping with Food 